The Testerical Smear Test determines whether a man can win an intellectual argument on merit as opposed to relying on a load of old balls.
Though designed with the profundity [read: abyss] of thought of testerical male academic philosophers in mind, the Testerical Smear Test can be applied to all testerical men who - with fundamentally flawed premises, reasoning and conclusions - attempt to smear women who have the audacity to challenge sexist idiocy with astute analysis, cited evidence and referenced facts.
RESULTS:
POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / FALSE NEGATIVE
If your Testerical Smear Test is POSITIVE:
Whaddaguy! Sounds good, right? WRONG.
Your POSITIVE T-S-T results confirm your argument relies wholly on a load of old balls. Your attempt/s to smear have been unsuccessful. You are unable to win this/any argument on merit.
N.B. All T-S-T POSITIVES are conclusive.
See: reliability and variant strains [below] for further info
If your Testerical Smear Test is NEGATIVE:
Sounds bad? WRONG again.
Your NEGATIVE T-S-T results suggest your allegations may, just possibly, be based in facts. Well done for using reason, analysis and evidence like women do.
!WARNING! Your ability to win this/any argument on merit is likely invalid.
See: FALSE NEGATIVES
KNOWN VARIANTS, STRAINS:
Identified variants, mutations and emerging strains (plus helpful common terms and examples):
[ et. ac. ] ... The Pomp e.g. “Another eton mess caught ‘The Pomp’”
[ et. al. ] ... The Snip e.g. “I only said it cos was half-cut’”
[ hub. ris. ] ... The Johnsons e.g. “Oh, yeh - he’s got a nasty case of ‘the Johnsons’”
[ ba. nt. ] ... The Jokers e.g. “jk / was only havin’ a laugh / classic bantz”
KNOWN SYMPTOMS:
Identified symptoms (and their common terms) include but are not limited to:
- baseless accusations, ‘cock-n-balls’
- misrepresentation and/or celebratory disregard of facts, ‘false-balls’
- intentional use of incomprehensible jargon or hyperbole, ‘hyper-balls’
- contortion of facial muscles, ‘achey-breaky-balls’
- refutation of arguments never posed, ‘straw-balls’
- astonishment that one man’s daft view doesn’t continue to overrule a thousand women’s sensible, measured analysis, ‘ancient-balls’
- private/public irritable fixation on non-compliant facts/women, aka ‘scratchy-balls’
- renewed certainty in demonstrable falsehoods, aka ‘doubly-down-balls’
- performative hilarity, often displayed in baboon-like troupes submitting to dominance, ‘prim-balls’
- unflinching belief in righteousness, ‘theo-balls’
- derogatory slurs, unrelated to issue, ‘net-balls’
- derogatory slurs, related to the issue, ‘stink-balls’
- derogatory slurs, casually slung, aka ‘lame-balls’
- denial of documented record, aka ‘impo-balls’
- rallying cry to fellow ball-bearers to punish targets, ‘echo-balls’
- recitation/co-ersion of women to support one or more of the above, ‘turkey-balls’
- uncritical repetition, replication, escalation and conflagration of all balls, ‘bingo-balls’
INCUBATION:
0-75 years
RELIABILITY:
- Testerical Smear Test NEGATIVE results depend on accurate input. Refer to stockists instructions [listed below]
- Testerical Smear Test NEGATIVE results are invalid if the test assessor/s has they/themselves tested POSITIVE, has received a FALSE NEGATIVE or is otherwise symptomatic See: KNOWN SYMPTOMS
- Attempts to manipulate Testerical Smear Test input will corrupt NEGATIVES resulting in FALSE NEGATIVES
- Follow up Testerical Smear Tests are not advised due to likelihood of identical input
- Following invalid NEGATIVES long monthly periods of self-help are advised; See: other info
FALSE NEGATIVES:
- Frequency of FALSE NEGATIVES is high
- FALSE NEGATIVES are an unavoidable symptom highly prevalent in all variants & strains and, subsequently, all Testerical Smear Tests are susceptible to input errors
- FALSE NEGATIVES also arise where the symptomatic condition of your assessor/s preclude reliable results. See: input, variant strains and common symptoms for further information
Stockists & other info:
- optionally measured by feminists
- Self help manuals written by fact finders Andrea Dworkin, Maya Angelou, Audre Lorde, OBE-Wanker-Nobi and Dr ‘JC’ Jones have shown improvement in rare cases, depending on the variant, stage and severity of the condition
- Testerical Smear Tests are not available by request or demand